Sunday, November 15, 2009

12:51 PM Posted by: M., 1 comments

It's really remarkable how much life can change. I havent posted much on here in a long time because it's been over a year since I had reliable internet, and I just wasn't interested. 

My present-day brain is just really amazed I ever struggled with de-conversion so much. The way I think and believe (or don't believe) is so matter-of-fact and comfortable to me. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in Heaven or Hell. We will die and rot and the...end. That's what I believe and there is no fear when I say it. 

I still have to hide it from my immediate family though. Just to be respectful I think. It's kind of astounding how I could live before under the guise of a Christian, but still not actually live the Christian lifestyle - and I was waaaay more accepted. when I was in college, I still was "christian" but not a Christian in my day-to-day life. Yet, I felt accepted with other Christians because they never cared to really find out about me beyond that "hey did you like the worship? Are you coming with us to Denny's?" type shit

And now that I am a non-believer, it's like Christians don't know what to do with me - can they talk to me like normal? If they don't try to address my nonbelief on a regular basis are they ignoring possible opportunities from God to live their faith? Who the fuck knows.