Monday, November 26, 2007


3:34 PM Posted by: M., 8 comments

I really don't know or foresee myself being christian again, but i am starting to really think that I am less likely to convert the more i talk to christians. I am just sick of them. I have talked to a lot of my christian friends or acquaintances about my lack of faith and I can't help but just feel how much they assume that I need to be a Christian--like they try to talk to me nicely and understanding about it--but there is an underlying assumption still that they are "good" because they are christian and I am "bad" because I am not. Everyone has a remedy for me--"go to my church," "start praying again," "read this book," blah blah. I can't helped but feel judged by christians. I guess I feel so much more free around non-christians because they dont have a built-in framework to everything they do and think that assumes non christians are bad. I really don't feel like Christians are loving now that I am on the other side. Some of them are--but I dont really attribute that to their religious ties.


Squirrel said...

I know exactly what you mean. What I find frustrating is that they seem to parrot back to me all the old answers. Having been a Christian for over 30 years they seem to think that I must have forgotten all those. What I find really frustrating is that no-one seems to be able to try to enter my world, to try to understand why I left my faith. I actually want to have a serious conversation with some of them about it, but they just cannot seem to get beyond the obvious and listen to what I am saying.

exapologist said...
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exapologist said...

Our poor beloved friends, wilfully suppressing the truth of naturalism in unrighteousness. For him (or her) who has ears to hear, I guess. :-)

It's tough to know what to do in these cases. On the one hand, it's touching that they make an attempt to reach out due to a concern for our welfare. On the other hand, this not infrequently comes mixed with plenty of self-righteousness, as they see themselves in the role of trying to "fix" you, in a sort of unhealthy version of a helper-helpee relationship.

Ordinary norms of personal interaction would have us give the sub-text of their words and actions the most charitable interpretation possible (as well-intentioned attempts at seeking what is in our best interests). On the other hand, there is something to be said for a bit of healthy skepticism about what they're up to. I try to suppress the latter when at all possible, and let the former rule my thoughts in these contexts. Sometimes it's tough, though. :-)

You've probably already tried this, but here's a piece of advice that has a decent track-record in my experience: if they won't let up, try to steer the conversation to mutual interests. If they refuse to let it go, let them know, in a frank but friendly way, how it makes you feel. Perhaps you could give them a little bit of a dose of their own medicine, and "preach" to them about the falsity of Christianity ("Oh, Susie, if you would just *think* about it a bit harder, you would see that the magnitude, duration, and distribution of evil disconfirms the hypothesis of theism", or "Oh, Steve, if you just read a representative sampling of responsible scholarship, you would see that Jesus was a failed apocalyptic prophet, like his mentor John the Baptist"). It's a vivid way for them to come to realize how it feels and how it sounds when they do it to you, and it may be enough to get them to stop.

becky said...

Hi Marie,

I haven't been around in a while but I sure would like for you to check out my most recent post and tell me what you honestly feel.

Please keep seeking.


truthisasnare said...

Let first say that I understand wholeheartedly. I grew up around those kind of "cookie-cutter" Christians. It's all about the face value.

What's funny is that if you explore the main concepts behind Christianity, you'll see that all of this is contrary to what Christianity actually preaches. Yes, they probably don't seem loving at all, and that's more than likely because they are not.

I have been able to maintain my Christianity because I was lucky enough to learn, early on in life, that I can't convince anyone of anything, really, unless they are open to it. Hearing about Christians trying to "fix" someone else just flat out makes my blood boil. How rude! How nagging! Such busybodies!
It has been my experience that the path to Christianity is a personal one (as people who read the bible ought to know).
I tend to be a rather irregular Christian in that I have realized that the biggest enemy of Christianity is not atheism, or "Islamofacism" or whatever: it's Christians! Christians are the enemies of Christianity!

Well, "Christians", anyway.
I wrote an entry on the subject, which I think you would find interesting.

And I hope you won't think I'm acting like one of "them" by sending you a link to a chapter in Corinthians, but honestly, this is the kind of thing that most of them don't realize, and it helps to illustrate the problem that most "christians" are not in-sync with their Christianity.

It would to a lot of them a world of good to remember these verses.

marie said...

hi "truthisasnare"

thanks for the links, i will def check it out!

marie said...
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D said...

Love this post. And I agree with every word of it. I always joke that I'm too secular for the religious world and too religious for the secular world. I am sorry that you have to endure folks who think faith is an assent to an arbitrary list of things. Trust me, I know. Family reunions suck for me. :)

I think it's hilarious that you posted that you still don't feel like becoming a Christian! I can only imagine what prompted that!

Can I link to you on my blog?