Friday, October 5, 2007

some thoughts on this beautiful, crisp friday morn

8:43 AM Posted by: M., 2 comments

Good Morning self, and anyone else reading this!

I am sitting at a table with endless wi-fi, a steaming cup of coffee (refills are only 25 cents here!) and a big blueberry muffin (sorry Sara, if you are craving muffins and cant find a good one in Goa). Anyhow, I am here. and I am excited to get back into the blog thing. Not like to really post in that I think I have valid things to say, but I just like the intellectual stimulation I get from reading arguments and interacting with other peoples' cool thoughts and such.

Aw, I see a lady at this coffee shop quite often, and it appears she broke her arm (she just walked by me). She is an older woman who has a cane, and she always has her nose in one of those romance novels that costs like $2. Her cast is neon orange. Go Girl!

To tell the truth, I haven't been thinking about religion much lately. I think that is a result of working 10 hours/day, taking my dog to the dog park way too much, and watching Rock Of Love on VH1. haha. but yeah, for some reason I took a break. But now the weather is getting colder, I should be getting internet at my apartment soon, and I just put a cozy hanging lamp above my desk (which sits in my closet) that I can't wait to sit under.

I think this muffin I am eating is made from angel food cake. I also think there is a men's bible study in session a few tables behind me.

Oh--well, I went to a christian discussion group the other night. My friend who goes to it TOTALLY made me go. She knows I am not christian and she wanted me to come and give my perspective and I did not want to go. But she made me. so as a compromise, she let me drink some beer before I went, haha. I guess to christians, she did a good job of being persistent in getting a non-believer to go to bible study!

Anyway, it was kind of a bust. First of all, there was a tacit implication (does that make sense?) that everyone was Christian. so that was odd.

And the first question was, what do you struggle with? Is it with bitterness? Gossip? laziness? difficult life circumstances? trouble with the truth?

So I spoke, and I asked for the pastor to clarify what "trouble with the truth" was, because I thought that it might be like, having a hard time believing in The Truth. And he just goes, "like, if you have trouble with lying." haha! So anyway, I just twisted that and said that I have trouble even believing in God and that I don't believe. And maybe I am overemphasizing it, but it seemed that everyone was like, "uh-oh" in a way. And then the floodgates opened--or rather the Red Sea unparted, and everyone just talked about why they believed and why they do not struggle with the Truth, and they were all looking at me the whole time they were talking and being like, "does that make sense?" to me and stuff. And in my brain I was like "Hell No," but I nodded anyway. haha. so yeah that was a bit awkward. People basically said that I grew up with religion as a formality and i am having difficulty adjusting to making my faith my own. But that is not true. I do not believe! Is that so hard to swallow? And they dont even know me to know that I was a hardcore christian for years when I was a relatively free-thinking adult. So yeah, kind of a bust.

And then I got the group to talk about suffering. And NOT EXAGGERATING, people totally said things like, "suffering, I mean suffering is like totally crappy, but you have to overcome it. God made suffering for us to overcome it." and another (one of the worship leaders) said, "suffering is not God's fault, it is just a result of free-will. People hurt people, not God." and another girl TOTALLY said this, "I think suffering can be God's punishment on people." yeah, she went Falwell on us. So I just kept my mouth shut for a bit, and muttered that i dont understand why a good God would value free-will over the alleviation of human suffering, and how do people overcome suffering who DIE in the middle of it? and I got really mad that people were saying "suffering is crappy." It's like, "Sorry 8 year old girl who was gang raped by 20 men and now you are lying mutilated and barely breathing by the side of the road, left to die and rot--your life is crappy, but if you overcome your suffering, you will be stronger and see God's love!"

Anyway, I didnt like the group (i like the people but not the discussions). They kept saying "This is Great! We are really questioning things! We are admitting we dont have the answers!" but really they are questioning nothing and just coming up with any answer to suffice so that God wont smite them for being ambivalent.

OH--and we ended early, which was JUST in time for that Heroes TV show to start. Which I find curious, because a lot of the people in that group are obsessed with it. haha I am terrible.

but anyway, that was that. I MAY go again, just to get some fodder for discussion.

when I was a christian, I did what they do--I made up answers to tough questions so I didnt have to really think about them. If someone asked me a "tough" question, I wouldn't sit and THINK about it, rather I would like survey my brain for an answer and give it. I totally used to do what everyone in that group was doing so I can't act like I am better or different. It is just interesting to see that kind of talk and behavior from the other side. The DARK SIDE! JK

WHEW! that was a lot of typing. If you read to this point, i am WoWed!


exapologist said...

"she went Falwell on us"

Hilarious. I'll have to remember that one to use at an opportune time.

Sara said...

A. You are amazing.
B. That is hilarious.
I'm sitting in an internet cafe-thing, and when i read "suffering is really crappy" i laughed out loud, the european hippies are looking at me weird. it's mixed reaction of humor, frustration, and empathy (I'm sure I've said something like that at one point.) I'm glad you went to the "let's talk about our faith" gathering. And the next time someone tries to patiently explain to you like you're seven WHY faith makes sense, I am in full support of you telling them (a bit loudly to get the point across, perhaps) "I get it, I just don't agree."