Saturday, June 9, 2007

non-christian bumbling

10:08 AM Posted by: M., 7 comments

I am slowly coming out to people that I am not a christian anymore. VERY slowly. I only tell them when it is apparent that it would be the most appropriate course. It is starting to really sink in that I have hardly any non-christian friends and I hope things don't get awkward as the Christian ones find out. I remember what it was like to be a Christian and hear that someone turned agnostic or atheist and I really couldn't help seeing them differently, or at least seeing them as more hardened than I had before. I shouldn't assume that is what others think, but I dont think I can rule it out either. I also have been dumbing down the severity of my problems with Christianity because I do not want to offend any christians, or necessarily bring them down, or make them feel uncomfortable or that i think they are stupid or anything.

What is the best (if there is one) way to talk to christians you love about being non-christian??


AgnosticAtheist said...


It's quite the journey isn't it?

Many of us on the aA blog are also in the process of "coming out."

I'll add your blog to our blogroll.


JumpingFromConclusions said...

Hey Marie,

I fell your pain here. I really want to tell people, because I just generally feel more at peace now and want people to know. . . but I know it has the potential to cause a lot of problems. I have not told anyone I know. One of the reasons I am writing that big deconversion paper is so I will be able to show that I am not just hardened and that I have very good reasons not to believe. Unfortunately, I've read from others that deconversion papers often get ignored/pushed aside and the apostate still catches the blame.

Some of my more laid-back friends (who I think are Christians, they just don't talk about it much) would probably be fine with me when they found out. I'm not sure what my parents will think; I know they'll be disappointed at least. I'm scared to come out though, because I'm worried that some of my family and friends will worry about me going to hell. Some of them might even blame themselves, and some might try to re-convert me. I don't want to be looked at differently, but I know I will be. I would have looked at someone differently a year or two ago if they left Christianity.

I plan on coming out first to a nonbeliever, and then proceeding with great caution from there. I've just been lucky the last couple months that no one has asked me to talk about my faith or pray or anything. Hopefully that trend keeps up.

Starting out this journey, I hadn't really thought of the consequences this could have. Just think-- all the stress we go through, just over a simple change in belief.

Anyway, I hope everything works out for you!

zilch said...

My experience is not the same as yours, since I've never been a Christian. I do have many Christian friends, however, and I've found that being straightforward about my beliefs doesn't shake any true friendships. Good luck to you!

Steve said...

Hey Marie...

I finally made it over to your site. Thanks for visiting mine and commenting.

I appreciate what you have to say here and that you have chosen to publicly share your journey here.

Looking forward to reading much, much more.


Steve said...

Oh, as for your post here...

Running a site called Stupid Church People for two years has given me a lot of experience in this area.

Just like I didn't want to shove my Christianity down non-believers throats as a churchgoer, so I don't shove my SCP dogma on anyone either. I think the same can be true for you.

Actually, it is difficult to come out (so to speak) and should be done carefully. You might want to be honest about your doubts of faith first without declaring a stance, just to get them comfortable talking to you about it. Just an idea. That way you avoid them having to feel like they need to save you there on the spot.

Who you are in their life is ultimately more important than what you do or don't believe.

lowendaction said...

I know I'm a little late for this one...but it caught my eye. Hope you get this.

I think your very real and valid question speaks to one of the many unfortunate side effects of the man-twisted churches history, and that is this obsession with identity. It feeds a natural need of human belonging, but is so dangerous and ultimatly ungodly in that it attempts to put god in a title, when clearly he is described as far beyond that. And though you no longer share this belief, by identifying yourself as "non-chrsitian" you are still binding yourself by the same set of sheckles.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't stand up for our beliefs, but they should far supercede any title we claim, and I would argue that the terms "christian" and "non-christian" have been so over-abused and missapplied, that we need to focus on setting ourselves free from them.

For me, what it looks like, is me trying to stay true to what I believe and working hard at practicing it, versus hiding behind a title/name and letting it take care of the rest.

hope this your blog.

shelly said...

What is the best (if there is one) way to talk to christians you love about being non-christian??

Just be honest about it, I say. If anything, you'll find out who your real friends are (the ones who will accept your deconversion and continue to be there for you no matter what).