Tuesday, April 3, 2007

exhaustion

1:07 AM Posted by: M., 7 comments

I am getting exhausted mentally and soulfully. I feel like when I am trying (or others in the same spiritual boat try) to honestly ask questions and be real about our issues with Christianity, we are so often just lambasted with "just have faith" "just ask God to show you He is real" "Why should God have to prove himself to you?" "How much evidence would it take" "you are going to Hell" , etc. responses. I mean, I totally understand that some people are really caring and from their perspective, they don't want people to lose their faith--but others just seem to be trying to avoid examining their own faith by insulting our faithlessness.

I think that I am going to just take some time and read and think. It is important to me not to stop this journey and to keep asking questions and keep discussing...but it just gets tiring. It is so odd to be on the opposite side of where I proudly stood for all of my life up until now.


7 comments:

JumpingFromConclusions said...

I agree, Marie. Last night, when I went to bed at about 2:30 AM after reading for hours about different people's beliefs and such, I was just exhausted and depressed. I keep reading more and more and more and more, and I don't seem to be really moving anywhere. I am planning to take on a little bit different of a route for a little while (book-by-book analyzation of the Bible), but I'll probably still end up spending most of my spare time chasing this seemingly uncatchable "truth."

Anyway, have a good day and I hope something happens to make you feel more refreshed!

Becky said...

but others just seem to be trying to avoid examining their own faith by insulting our faithlessness.

AMEN--sister

becky

Heather said...

**Last night, when I went to bed at about 2:30 AM after reading for hours about different people's beliefs and such, I was just exhausted and depressed.** I agree with JfC. When spending any amount of time questioning and researching, it is really easy to get depressed. Although I find that tends to be because there are many out there who will happily say why everone not like them is going to hell and why.

But I do hope you feel better soon.

agnosis said...

It is no easy task to self evaluate our psychological or epistemological positions, regardless of what you dis/believe. I think it's sort of like any physical discipline we decide to engage in. The scars and bruises are only dim reminders of the agonizing process that makes us stronger humans in the end. I think the struggle is to some degree a necessary component of any degree of authenticity. I intend to post some thoughts on this "soon", when I get a chance. Keep up the struggle, but remember to take a breath from time to time and find encouragement where you can.

HeIsSailing said...

**Last night, when I went to bed at about 2:30 AM after reading for hours about different people's beliefs and such, I was just exhausted and depressed.**

From what I have noticed, this seems to be common amongst those who are really questioning their faith and finding 'The Rest of the Story'. It is like we can't get enough. You know, the same is true amongst newly born again Christians. They are 'On Fire for Jesus' because they have a new reality, and it is fresh and exciting! In our case, maybe it is not so exciting I guess because we feel.. .. I don't know.. like we have been hoodwinked all these years?

Marie, my wife advised me to pace myself. Not to read too much too soon - let it sink in and absorb, and I think she is right. There is no rush, and we are not going anywhere anytime soon. Read different perspectives, different opinions. I even go back and listen to my old cassettes of expositional Bible Studies sometimes (I have a box with *hundreds* of those old things), you can either agree or disagree, but at least it is a different angle. A lot of my old apologetic cassettes I listen to and I think to myself, 'I knew this argument was bogus years ago, and I am just now fessing up to it'!! So in a way it is also refreshing and renewing. I am finally allowed to think the way my brain wants to think!

With all this unwanted advice that I have been doling out at various blogsites this evening, I feel like we are some kind of Internet Recovering Fundamentalist Support Group. Christ-aholics Anonymous or something.

Take care.

agnosis said...

HIS, I think you captured something of the essence of these blog sites for us questioning deconverts. Because our previous faith commitments entail such deep social networks, finding a support group of sorts can be challenging and vital. This is one reason why I personally blog and commment, even though I really don't have the time.

JumpingFromConclusions said...

**HIS, I think you captured something of the essence of these blog sites for us questioning deconverts.**

Yeah, HIS, agnosis is right. I was holding everything in before I read your blog (and Marie's), but after reading them, I felt like I might as well join in too. I'm glad I did, and it's always good to know that I'm not the only one going through these struggles.