Saturday, December 30, 2006

.........

11:17 AM Posted by: M., 0 comments

I haven't been to church in so long. But I do not miss it. Walking into some churches seems like walking into a J.Crew store--not that J. Crew is bad but i just associate it most closely with the clothes of people I am supposed to best get along with--but moreso a J.Crew store because no matter if you go into one in Lancaster, PA or Milpitas, CA or Houston, Texas...they all are the same inside. (Crosswinds is an exception to me in much of this post)You know what to expect, you know who to expect and I always feel the exact same way when I leave --relieved it is over/hoping no one I met tries to track me down. It is like there is an addendum to the Bible that says church should have a "contemporary" side with "cutting edge" songs played by a band of dorks with the worship leader being this pseudo cool guy who breathily exhales his patterned worship time prayers(again, I feel comfortable exempting Crosswinds from this), people who limpily lift their arms when singing--i always feel like a douche when the song says "i lift my arms..." i dont want to. send me to hell then.

thinking of these things, I think that i kind of am a bad person because i can't like be easily enveloped in worship of God--I want to I really do, but I just get so distracted. I have to believe that if there is a God who can create everything, he has to be able to help us find churches that are best for us. That is kind of actually what made me think that christianity is just a sham--because it seems that people who are into church are just people who would be associated with each other no matter what and christianity is just this idea that can give them something to be passionate about in an otherwise boring life.

I feel really mean and judgemental writing this.


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