hellooooooo

I am at work, supposed to be updating our corporate blog. Let me tell you, wordpress is SO confusing when you have to create a streamlined, professional blog!

Here is an update on me - if you are still coming here, please comment me with an update on you!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am working full time now as a Sales Support/Audio Engineer/Client Relations/Blog updater specialist. It's sooooooo glamorous. I live with amazing friends - one is a Christian youth pastor girl and the other is my hardcore friend who is a bitch if you are one to her first, but amazing! We still live in the Suburbs of San Fran, but are moving to the city in a few months...If you are in SF you might see me at Zeitgeist, Geshtalt, The Attic, 500 Club, Elixir or other sweet hangout spots.
As far as religion goes, I am just taking it easy. Still reading up on philosophy of religion, atheism, church history, etc. but in a more relaxed fashion. I dont go to church all that much anymore, but if I do I find I can pay more attention or tolerate it if I am tipsy (probably bad I know). Life is chill right now.
On the political front, I am finding myself liking Hillary Clinton (which I would have not predicted)
um, what else is new....eh, probably nothing that interesting anyway

but please update me on you guys, or at least update yourself on your blogs so I can see how everyone is!

okay time to work

peace out for now!!

11208

I havent been on here in a while. I don't know why I've stayed away. I cant type much now because my roomate is watching a quiet movie and my typing is loud.

i'm still not christian, and havent really thought about it much lately.

this may sound weird but i am interested in hypnotherapy so i have been reading about that a lot.

more to come soon

112607

I really don't know or foresee myself being christian again, but i am starting to really think that I am less likely to convert the more i talk to christians. I am just sick of them. I have talked to a lot of my christian friends or acquaintances about my lack of faith and I can't help but just feel how much they assume that I need to be a Christian--like they try to talk to me nicely and understanding about it--but there is an underlying assumption still that they are "good" because they are christian and I am "bad" because I am not. Everyone has a remedy for me--"go to my church," "start praying again," "read this book," blah blah. I can't helped but feel judged by christians. I guess I feel so much more free around non-christians because they dont have a built-in framework to everything they do and think that assumes non christians are bad. I really don't feel like Christians are loving now that I am on the other side. Some of them are--but I dont really attribute that to their religious ties.

helloooo

i havent posted in several days. the place i work is trying hard to stay in business so i have been swamped trying to work on that and in my free time all i have wanted to do is drink beer and read. but the holidays are coming!!!--and that means a lot more reflection on religion...and more time spent in the midst of my hardcore evangelical family. i foresee a lot of commentary to come.

i miss everyone in my blog sphere of influence!

podcast 2 up

I just put up my second podcast and two songs I did.
The podcast is about the following:
-Rwanda (there is not only a gap between rich and poor, but also between flourishing and suffering)
-television
-my experience at the antiwar protest

i posted one instrumental experimentally song and the other is a rap song

enjoy!

My Blog is GOING GREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am now powering my computer with potatoes and lighting my desk with colored cellophane and refracted light. jk

i just needed a change on here : )

revcom.com

I know that probably a lot or most of you don't share my political leanings, but I have to say, that since I de-converted I have begun to sway very strongly towards Socialist political ideologies. I was thinking about this today, and I think it deduces to a very simple reason.

As a Christian, I essentially believed that eventually a just end would come. If there was injustice presently, there would be pure justice later. Those who suffer now would spend eternity in comfort. Those who experienced hardship in this life, would be cradled by the ultimate father for eternity. So in essence, issues of justice were important, but if not solved now, that would be okay.

But since de-converting, my entire world paradigm has changed. Now, those who suffer only get one chance at life--and theirs is ruined. Our exploitation will only serve to destroy the one life of its victims--not just be a current imposition on those who will soon have eternal bliss. Suffering becomes the totality of life, not just the short-term "strengthening of the will."

In that, I have only found mild solace in political ideologies that detest exploitation and value the human life over profit, and alleviation of suffering over the comfort (and ignorance) of the more well-off masses. I understand that socialism in practice has been destructive, but to me, the theory of it is much of what I desire.

I don't want to be comfortable while others arent. I dont want to be rich while others arent. I dont want to be healthy when others arent. I would sacrifice my current "perks" of being a White westerner in order for others to be helped. The problem in America, it seems, is that we want to help those who suffer AND still maintain our priveledged conditions.

The other day I was rushing into safeway to get a hair tie I needed for my crossing guard job and I had about 3 minutes to get one. I ran into some Christian friends in the store(one of whom is trying hard to re-convert me--we'll call him Sam) and I was able to borrow one of their hair ties and get to work on time. Sam then repeated twice to me, "this isn't an accident that you ran into us"--presuming that God arranged it for me to see them so I wouldn't have to buy a hair tie and could get to work on time. Well, maybe so, maybe it was God--and if it was God, why would he waste his power on helping me make up for my bad daily preparation and not save those who really suffer? Was not my forgetting a hair tie just as much a negative product of free will, as someone being shot by a mistaken soldier, or raped by a sexual predator? (negative not in measure of consequence, but negative as in free-will causing some sort of negative situation)

I don't know. I've said it before, but I would give up all these little "god helps" in order for others to not suffer. I don't care if I find a nice pair of shoes, or get a good parking spot, or whatever--people are dying and miserable as a result of our indirect exploitation and profit. And I have found others like me at socialist gatherings and by reading liberal papers.

It is so odd when you start naturally becoming the type of person you were once taught to fear and distrust.

the research of a de-convert

I just started the book Jesus:Apocalyptic Prophet of the New Millennium and it is so interesting.

What is also interesting to me is the following. I have read the entire Bible, almost a dozen theology and philosophy of religion books, engaged in religious philosophical debates, and read hundreds of religious articles in my search for truth (and prayed consistently though the first five months of a total (roughly) eight month de-conversion process)....

And ended up de-converting.

Meanwhile, a lot of the Christians around me have maybe read 1/20th of the Bible and--I would venture to say-- 0 philosophical or biblical history books that are not from the viewpoint of a Christian. Yet they still believe and try to bring me back into the fold with reason.

I really, honestly am not saying I am better, but it is just interesting to me. I wonder what they would think if they travel through the minds and experiences of us de-converted.

christian responses

HI

If you don't remember, I put up a few blogs on my myspace profile (I am 23 it is okay for me to have one, jk :) where most of my Christian friends will read them. I posted because I wanted to see what kind of responses I would get. I probably should put what I posted, but you probably get the idea from reading these replies. I think it is interesting to see into the world of some of today's young christians. These are the people around me. Well, Here are some of the responses i have gotten...

My question is how do you know that these things are so bad? What is telling us that killing is something so horrible?
I'm guessing who ever reads this is like -"WTF of course the rape and killing of innocents is bad.. it just is!"
The truth is that it hurts our hearts when we see suffering. We ache so much we don't want to live. But in a world where there was no God, why would it hurt so bad. If the creator of life was not good how would we even know that these malicious acts are so evil? That is the foundational question. Not why is there evil, but Why do we care.
I guess I have two points:
1. Why do we care about pain and suffering? Pain and suffering should just be seen as another part of life like breathing and pooping. Why is it in all of us we have this tremendous desire to stop suffering if there is no good reason to our existence?
2. Maybe its because God cares. And somewhere inside of us is His compassion. But we NEVER act on it. Most of us just complain about how God never does anything. The truth is God didn't kill 6 million Jews, people did. God never blew up a school bus, people did. I guess it goes back to the idea that it's our choice. The burden and the blood are on us and the decisions we make, not God. Why do we demand something of God when we are not willing to do anything?


from another person:

In the Bible, God never said there wouldn't be pain, and suffering, and trouble and horrible things. God doesn't promise us perfect lives, and pure happiness. This person is upset because life isn't perfect. That there is pain and suffering. Well, why does god get the blame for the pain and suffering? What about the enemy? That's another part of the father of lies, which is what satan is. Instead of being mad at how satan has corrupted someone to kill or molest a child, this person is mad at God for not stopping it. Well, God never said that there wouldn't be suffering. He said take your eyes off this world. Don't be caught up in your life on earth. The good stuff is the stuff after death. That's the fun stuff, that's the party!!!!! If the bible said, "Oh life will be great, just love me and I'll make everything perfect for you" and then it wasn't then this person has an argument. But being mad at God cause the world is corrupted by satan doesn't make much sense. I never feel that these arguments are very strong or that they are deep or haven't been said before. Basically, the bible says that life is a test. That's all it is. In a world, that has ugliness and corruptness but that has taught you right from wrong. Which will you choose? The right or the wrong? The path that an invisible god promises will reward you? Or the path that says there is no invisible god, there is nothing, there is no point. Without god there is no hope, no point, no purpose. That's atleast the way I see it. Life would suck if there was no hope and no party to look forward too. That murderers, rapists, thieves, and suffering ruins lives but there is no good ever to come. That is what this world has to offer. God doesn't do that. He offers help, he offers justice, and he offers hope.

from another:

I dunno if this is gonna make any sense and I hope you don't think I'm being intrusive. But you need to ask yourself how you are going to look at the issue of free will? And also how are you going to look at the issue of Hell, and the Church. I for one have almost lost complete trust in the Church, but being a Christian is really about having a personal relationship with God. So what the Church says shouldn't be taken on face value just cause the Church does.Also I have always thought that free will wasn't a way to being more glory to God, it was a way to show that God actually loves us. Would it be love if you were in a relationship and you made the other person into someone they aren't? You only allowed them to do things that pleased you and didn't give them any free will to make their own choices? The very nature of free will is the fact that if God didn't love us he could make us into robots that served him blindly and had no choice.. Which I think would actually be selfish. Instead we have a choice in the matter, which I am grateful for. Also, The only people who actually think hell is spitfire and gnashing of teeth are the overly religious. There is a lot of biblical reference to support the fact that Hell isn't torture for eternity for not following God. Hell is just separation from God after you die. You make the choice where you wanna go when you are alive, and if you choose that you do not want to be with God, then he won't make you. Theoretically after you die you go somewhere else with all the other people who do not want a relationship with God for the rest of eternity and you will stay there being without a connection with God while the ones who chose him get to be close to him... It is not everlasting torture as punishment for picking the wrong religion, that is just Church hocus pocus used for thousands of years to scare little kids. But the Church is not the true nature of God always.

from another:

There ARE plenty of places in our world to find love. BUT, there is no picture of love as grand or blunt as the picture of Jesus. This idea of a the ultimate superhero. You could believe in Mickey Mouse but he’s a cartoon and never claimed to be your creator, willing to cross any bridge and give up anything for you. That picture of love CAN NOT be found in any religion, cartoon, or elitists thoughts on life. Don’t miss the point that this is not about whether or not he existed, why you can’t see him the way you think you are entitled to, or why he doesn’t seem to show himself the way you think he should. This point is that there is absolutely, positively without a doubt no picture of love as grand as Jesus Christ.
After that in you brought up a few things… You said we are more or less trapped here with no choice to believe or we will go to hell. I believe that’s incorrect. I remember watching at KP Yohonnan video with you a few years ago at Devin’s house and he was talking about how all the unbelievers of the third world are going to hell. I’ve come to strongly disagree with that belief. This is always a point of major contention with non-believers. I believe if there is a God as described by the story of Jesus then he is not bound by our religious institution and its rules. I’m going to use “ancient disputed books” for a sec, please be gracious with me. One verse says that God’s love is evident in all creation and another that eternity is set in the hearts of men meaning that belief in the divine and our relationship to it is not limited whether or not we knew we were for or against him the way our church teaches. When I read both of these I think of some kid in India or something. I picture him with the ability to know God without the formulas of my Christianity. My point is that I believe you don’t have to come to terms with the Jesus of the west to believe and know the story of Gods grace. I think the story of Jesus transcends language, culture, and anything else.
As for belief. If we are honest with ourselves we all have to believe in something as cliché as that sounds. The problem is that we may never know how we got here and how life started and why we are here. People chose all sorts of explanations. But if we actually look at the complexities of life it is a completely logical explanation to think that something intelligent put us here. I’m sure you’ve heard this before. My point here is that I just don’t think that anyone possesses tangible evidence, the way you want it, on an any belief. We all have two options. Believe life is a chance, random accident. Or believe some invisible entity put us here. From that point there is no explanation as poetic and beautiful as the one in those “ancient disputed books”.
And those books…. Are written by man, used for self gain, potentially distorted, full of contradictions, and guilty of way more inconsistencies. BUT, the underlining theme and story that I keep talking about is still apparent even amidst all of it’s “disputed” characteristics. Over the last few years I’ve had so many qualms with the Bible. Probably more than you. The amazing thing is, the Jesus story shines through. I don’t think the point of the Bible is to learn rules, describe history, or give scientific backing on our impossible belief. The point of it, to me at least, is to portray God’s heart for us.
To respond to Evan, I have never been guilted, scarred, or forced to believe in Jesus. I chose to believe in him because the type of love I found in him was resonated strongly in my heart. You can keep using those excuses for people to believe in God but the truth is that there is something real as to why so many of us gravitate towards a belief in the divine.
Sin is just an explanation of why when we do stupid things it hurts us. If some one along your life made you feel bad for sinning they missed the point. Sorry you had to feel bad. Sin works like this. If you kill some one its bad. If you steal from your friend its bad. I’m glad you feel free of “sin”.
Don’t be so ignorant to not put science, atheism, materialism, and others in your list of gods. You like me serve something and believe in something. Also don’t be so ignorant to miss the point of most religions. They explain why, not how. The how we got here is for science. The why we are here science will never fathom. You CANNOT base any explanation of WHY we are here or what we are doing in life on fact. The fact is that we should celebrate when a crippled person dies because it is better for our survival. But we don’t. For some reason we all believe that human suffering is bad. Science never explains WHY. Only HOW. Jesus never tried to explain HOW only WHY.

internet savvy biotch

YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I finalemente got internet in my apartment!
more posting and commenting soon

pocast done

OKay, I did it!
I made a podcast! You can listen to it here.

My first one is about 10 minutes long and it features music, gab, a bio feature on Ian Mackaye, and an original song by my band, Installation Information. I hope you enjoy!

it is silly and serious. I am just experimenting, but i think it might be cool to make some podcasts to accompany this blog.

tune in!

(the volume goes up and down, so you might have to adjust it a little, sorry! also i recorded it mono so it will only come out the left speaker)

Hi party people!I am letting you know that I might try to set up a podcast soon. I am trying to get this cheap recording equipment and software to use at home. It will be weird since my day job is an audio engineer and voice actress, I am used to working on sound files that are like 20 seconds long and very polished so a podcast of straight talking and music and stuff will be odd. I make random music so i might put that up and also narrate some gospel messages from my fave preachers such as Ted Haggard, Oral Roberts, Jack van Impe, and the all-powerful minister of munchies, Jerry Falwell. If all works well, I'll have one up in the next two weeks or so!

hello :)

i am at work. i have been in a bad mood for the past 24 hours, but it seems to be passing now. i don't really know why. About two years ago, if my mood suddenly turned good like this, I would probably get chills and smile and thank God. Now, I just think that I am happy.

Even if God is real and does give us those little happy times, I would WAY rather give those up so he could have time to save humans from suffering and eternal damnation. I will gladly give up close parking spots, finding money on the ground, and all other little "God sightings" so that one less kid dies of AIDS today. That doesnt make me a saint or anything, I just feel that way.

hiii

Drat! I am at work, but I found something that I want to read and you might want to as well.

Comcast.net asked people to weigh in on this question:

Do you believe in life after death? Have you ever been visited by the spirit of a dead relative or friend? Do such visions or visitations have any theological meaning?

a lot of people have answered thus far...here is the link

Also, there is a piece written by a well-known deconvert from Islam author who seems interesting. Her name is Ayaan Hirsi Ali. The link is here.

wahoo!

I decided to join the Peace Corps! I am applying for an October 2008 departure.

I told my parents last night, and they are surprisingly excited. My mom took a while to soften to it because she didn't understand why I wouldnt just go on a short-term evangelist mission instead (serious), but my dad is stoked! He is already talking about visiting me wherever I end up! Well, I have to get accepted to the program first.

but yeah, are there any former Peace Corps volunteers who have come to this site? If so, how was it?

I thought about doing this when I graduated college, but now I am sure I am ready for the 27 month committment. Anyhow, i wont bore you any longer.

Faure way

Have you guys ever read any Sebastien Faure? I picked up his pamphlet entitled, "Does God Exist? 12 Proofs of the Nonexistence of God" at an anarchist bookstore (good place for religious philosophy resources--the place is called "an anarchist bookstore") a while back and I just recently gave it a second read. There are a couple things that struck me about his writings, and about he himself. I would like to know what your opinions are of him as well.

Anyhow, in the first section of the text there is an "About the Author" section where it describes how Faure grew up in the Catholic church and schooling, and then he became atheist and and Anarchist later in life. One of the most interesting parts for me was the following excerpt: "The religion of God was soon superceded in his heart by a deep-rooted devotion to the welfare of mankind." This is something I have been thinking about lately. It seems to me that a lot of de-converts, and never-converts reject christianity because they reject the conflict between a "good god" and an unjust world, or rather, they cannot get over the Problem of Evil. I really, really had no clue about this until i became a de-convert myself. I really did think that non-believers were chasing sin or were hard hearted or selfish and that christians were really the purest caring people in the world (of course I must qualify that by saying there ARE a lot of purely caring christians in the world). This was all I was ever taught. Honest, it is embarassing now to admit I used to think that. I don't really have much else to say about this point, other than the fact that is has astounded me how many of us de-converts have a deep set need to fight injustice--or at least have a deep set distaste for it.

Another part of the pamphlet I found interesting is under Faure's proof called, "God could not have created without a motive: It is impossible to discern one." In that section he writes, "Let us examine God before Creation. God is alone, self-sufficient and perfectly wise, happy and powerful. Nothing can improve His wisdom; nothing can increase His happiness; nothing can strengthen His power. Such a god cannot experience any desire because His happiness is infinite; He cannot look toward any aim because nothing is lacking in his perfection; he cannot formulate any plans because nothing can increase His power; He cannot be determined to want anything because He has no need for anything."

Come to think of it, I cannot even really pull out why exactly I believed God created us when I was a christian. I might just be drawing a blank, but I am trying to remember why. Something about Satan detracting from the other angels or something. Or God created us for his glory. Or I dont know.someone please help me with this--I am probably forgetting a lot of places in the Bible where it talks about this. This is sad. I was an on-fire christian for the first 22 years of my life, and I can't remember this stuff? It is sad to me that I cannot answer this question, but somehow I was qualified enough to go on a half-dozen mission trips and save human souls from eternal damnation? I digress.

But faure's proof kind of makes sense to me. How could a perfect God create something imperfect, or even conceive that imperfection could exist? If everything we have comes from God, where did evil come from? Is God not the only creator then? so many questions!

I have a feeling that with this question, as with many we ask, my christian friends will reply with something along the lines of "we are mere humans, how can we know?" I will quote Faure once again to give a more comprehensive picture.
"They (christians) say: 'You have no right to talk about God the way you do. you present us with a God-caricature systematically reduced to the proportion which your comprehension is only capable of according. The God which you present is not ours. Our God you cannot conceive because He overtakes you; he escapes your comprehension. Knoweth ye! that whatever in the way of might, wisdom and knowledge might appear fantastic and immense even for the most pwerful man is only child's play to our God. Do not forget that Humanity could not move on the same level with Divinity. remember that it is impossible for man to comprehend God's ways as it is impossible for minerals to imagine the ways of vegetables, for vegetables to conceive of the ways of animals and for animals to conceive of the ways of men."

To that, Faure responds, "Are you (christians) not men, as I? does not God overtake you as He does me? Does not God escape your comprehension as much as He does mine? Or have you the pretense of moving on the same level as Divinity? Have you the affrontery of thinking and the foolishness of stating that with a simple flap of a wing, you have reached those summits occupied by God? Are you so presumptuous as to affirm that your finite mind has embraced the Infinite?... If the fact that I cannot conceive and explain God does not give me the right to deny Him, the very same fact, which also holds true for you, does not give you the right to affirm Him!"

some replies

here are some of the replies from my christian friends to my myspace blog post

marie, i value your opinion and i think you are a very intelligent, caring, loving person. that's why i am responding to this.
i don't think following Christ is a comfy blanket in any sense of the term.
Alot of the time, I'm not even happy with my life. But the joy that I have knowing that the creator of the universe loves me unconditionally is more than I need to wake up the next day. Yeah the world sucks but how did it get that way? God didn't do it. We did.
But there are so many beautiful things in this world that I believe can be explained by no other way than that it is a creation of the Lord.
I have questions too. but beliving is not seeing or hearing or feeling. it is just believing. and I totally understand how hard that is. Because I didnt believe. but now i do. because the Lord showed me His unending love and there was no other explanation for what it was.
but keep asking questions.
i love you!!!



I dunno if this is gonna make any sense and I hope you don't think I'm being intrusive. But you need to ask yourself how you are going to look at the issue of free will? And also how are you going to look at the issue of Hell, and the Church.

I for one have almost lost complete trust in the Church, but being a Christian is really about having a personal relationship with God. So what the Church says shouldn't be taken on face value just cause the Church does.

Also I have always thought that free will wasn't a way to being more glory to God, it was a way to show that God actually loves us. Would it be love if you were in a relationship and you made the other person into someone they aren't? You only allowed them to do things that pleased you and didn't give them any free will to make their own choices? The very nature of free will is the fact that if God didn't love us he could make us into robots that served him blindly and had no choice.. Which I think would actually be selfish. Instead we have a choice in the matter, which I am grateful for.

Also, The only people who actually think hell is spitfire and gnashing of teeth are the overly religious. There is a lot of biblical reference to support the fact that Hell isn't torture for eternity for not following God. Hell is just separation from God after you die.
You make the choice where you wanna go when you are alive, and if you choose that you do not want to be with God, then he won't make you. Theoretically after you die you go somewhere else with all the other people who do not want a relationship with God for the rest of eternity and you will stay there being without a connection with God while the ones who chose him get to be close to him... It is not everlasting torture as punishment for picking the wrong religion, that is just Church hocus pocus used for thousands of years to scare little kids. But the Church is not the true nature of God always.

I dunno, I hope over the years you have seen that I have actually thought out what I believe intelligently, cause I really respect you a lot and I hope you don't think i'm some christian sheep or religious nazi.

other blog post

Here is what I posted on my myspace blog. it's not profound, but i am curious about peoples' reactions.

I am having trouble seeing the christian God as anything other than totally narcissistic and self-centered. Here is a quick outline of why.

FREE WILL is the cause of all suffering(bad people do bad things to other people because they have free will to do what they want). God gave us free will. God created the idea of free will--therefore God created (or more lightly, "allows") suffering.

God knew about free will before it existed. God knew about suffering before it existed. (Because he is omniscient)

God knew free will would cause suffering. God still CHOSE free will.
therefore...
God values free will over the alleviation of suffering.

The purpose of free will is to allow us to more purely seek God, and not be robots in our worship of Him. Ultimately it is so God gets the most honest glory and honor.

God chose free will to get the most glory and honor for himself.
God values his own glory and honor over the well-being of humans (because if there was no free will to worship him, there would be no suffering).

God chooses himself over people for his own benefit. God is selfish.



ALSO...

Why do we have to be forgiven to be saved and break the original sin of Adam and Eve? God made up everything, therefore he made up the fact that Jesus had to die and we have to ask forgiveness for sins. If God is all-powerful, he is not bound by the Devil's power, and he can choose to save everyone on earth from eternity in Hell. Yet christians believe that unbelievers go to hell. This says that God can save everyone, yet he chooses not to.



The church tells people that unbelievers dont believe the Truth, because they have a lust for sin. This is not true. A lot of us don't believe, because it just doesnt make sense.

People have believed in gods and afterlives long before christianity existed. I need help seeing why Christianity is the Truth, and not just some other comfy blanket for humans to keep warm with in this terrible world.

she puts the DOPE in doping

As you guys may have heard--Olympic Gold Medalist Marion Jones totally admitted to using steriods for 2 years before she kicked ass at the Olympics. I am pissed. I hate these athletes that do this. I was a track and field athlete for years and I did look up to these women who could perform amazingly, and now I am let down and mad that it was all a farce. Jackie Joyner-Kersee should smack Jones.

I feel like sports are not designed to be a gateway for these "athletes" to get their much sought after limelight. I think of sports as a historic pasttime and human activity to quench our need for competition and pleasure. (I also lean a bit like Chomsky in thinking sports can be a way for the government and corpoations to keep people distracted from knowing what really goes on in the world--but I still watch football on the weekends :) ) Therefore when these athletes just use drugs, it is like they are playing a video game rather than using their own human abilities to particpate in human events.

I dont care if Marion Jones is a woman and has 2 kids. She knows EXACLTY what she did and I hope she is rightly punished. We need to keep steroids OUT OF sports.

some thoughts on this beautiful, crisp friday morn

Good Morning self, and anyone else reading this!

I am sitting at a table with endless wi-fi, a steaming cup of coffee (refills are only 25 cents here!) and a big blueberry muffin (sorry Sara, if you are craving muffins and cant find a good one in Goa). Anyhow, I am here. and I am excited to get back into the blog thing. Not like to really post in that I think I have valid things to say, but I just like the intellectual stimulation I get from reading arguments and interacting with other peoples' cool thoughts and such.

Aw, I see a lady at this coffee shop quite often, and it appears she broke her arm (she just walked by me). She is an older woman who has a cane, and she always has her nose in one of those romance novels that costs like $2. Her cast is neon orange. Go Girl!

To tell the truth, I haven't been thinking about religion much lately. I think that is a result of working 10 hours/day, taking my dog to the dog park way too much, and watching Rock Of Love on VH1. haha. but yeah, for some reason I took a break. But now the weather is getting colder, I should be getting internet at my apartment soon, and I just put a cozy hanging lamp above my desk (which sits in my closet) that I can't wait to sit under.

I think this muffin I am eating is made from angel food cake. I also think there is a men's bible study in session a few tables behind me.

Oh--well, I went to a christian discussion group the other night. My friend who goes to it TOTALLY made me go. She knows I am not christian and she wanted me to come and give my perspective and I did not want to go. But she made me. so as a compromise, she let me drink some beer before I went, haha. I guess to christians, she did a good job of being persistent in getting a non-believer to go to bible study!

Anyway, it was kind of a bust. First of all, there was a tacit implication (does that make sense?) that everyone was Christian. so that was odd.

And the first question was, what do you struggle with? Is it with bitterness? Gossip? laziness? difficult life circumstances? trouble with the truth?

So I spoke, and I asked for the pastor to clarify what "trouble with the truth" was, because I thought that it might be like, having a hard time believing in The Truth. And he just goes, "like, if you have trouble with lying." haha! So anyway, I just twisted that and said that I have trouble even believing in God and that I don't believe. And maybe I am overemphasizing it, but it seemed that everyone was like, "uh-oh" in a way. And then the floodgates opened--or rather the Red Sea unparted, and everyone just talked about why they believed and why they do not struggle with the Truth, and they were all looking at me the whole time they were talking and being like, "does that make sense?" to me and stuff. And in my brain I was like "Hell No," but I nodded anyway. haha. so yeah that was a bit awkward. People basically said that I grew up with religion as a formality and i am having difficulty adjusting to making my faith my own. But that is not true. I do not believe! Is that so hard to swallow? And they dont even know me to know that I was a hardcore christian for years when I was a relatively free-thinking adult. So yeah, kind of a bust.

And then I got the group to talk about suffering. And NOT EXAGGERATING, people totally said things like, "suffering, I mean suffering is like totally crappy, but you have to overcome it. God made suffering for us to overcome it." and another (one of the worship leaders) said, "suffering is not God's fault, it is just a result of free-will. People hurt people, not God." and another girl TOTALLY said this, "I think suffering can be God's punishment on people." yeah, she went Falwell on us. So I just kept my mouth shut for a bit, and muttered that i dont understand why a good God would value free-will over the alleviation of human suffering, and how do people overcome suffering who DIE in the middle of it? and I got really mad that people were saying "suffering is crappy." It's like, "Sorry 8 year old girl who was gang raped by 20 men and now you are lying mutilated and barely breathing by the side of the road, left to die and rot--your life is crappy, but if you overcome your suffering, you will be stronger and see God's love!"

Anyway, I didnt like the group (i like the people but not the discussions). They kept saying "This is Great! We are really questioning things! We are admitting we dont have the answers!" but really they are questioning nothing and just coming up with any answer to suffice so that God wont smite them for being ambivalent.

OH--and we ended early, which was JUST in time for that Heroes TV show to start. Which I find curious, because a lot of the people in that group are obsessed with it. haha I am terrible.

but anyway, that was that. I MAY go again, just to get some fodder for discussion.

when I was a christian, I did what they do--I made up answers to tough questions so I didnt have to really think about them. If someone asked me a "tough" question, I wouldn't sit and THINK about it, rather I would like survey my brain for an answer and give it. I totally used to do what everyone in that group was doing so I can't act like I am better or different. It is just interesting to see that kind of talk and behavior from the other side. The DARK SIDE! JK

WHEW! that was a lot of typing. If you read to this point, i am WoWed!

helloo my friends

hellloooo alllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my internet sucks fat and i have been reading comments and all but i cant easily post back or devote the time i would like to it. I think tomorrow I am going to camp out in wi-fi land at a coffee shop and spend some good time blogging and commenting on your guys' blogs and such. i really appreciate the comments and i enjoy them immensely

i went to a christian discussion group the other night. it bombed haha. i kept my mouth shut mostly, but got a few good conversations in. i will post about it later. Also, i posted a blog on myspace (hey, i'm 23, i can have a myspace! haha) about some christian questions and i am thinking a lot of my christian friends will comment, and i will post those answers here.

how is everyone? with the weather cooling down, i think i will spend more time nestled up in my "home office" (a.k.a. my desk in the closet) and blog and read blogs and get back into the swing of things. some of the blogs might be kind of weird because I get really into Oktoberfest beers and winter beers and i might drunkpost! jk, well, maybe.

for any beer nerds out there...

can i just tell you that I love the Monty Python Holy Grail Ale? i also enjoyed a Duvel, a Drak, a Warsteiner, some Bitburger, and a Spaten. SOOOOO good!
today I bought a 4-pack of Tetley Pub Ale, a Samuel Smith's organic lager, a chimay white ale, a Paulaner Oktoberfest, and a 12-pack of Schlitz beer (only $5.99!) i might start rating beers on here just for fun. hey, better use my free-will for something, right?!

life sucks, and please dont tell me all I need is Jesus

the rude awakening that life sucks is just that, rude. i have been really really realizing that over the past few years. There are no good countries to live in, no good places to work, no religion worth a damn. just life and death.

you can do good and it wont matter, you can cheat people and you will win. I watched the movie Fast Food Nation and it taught a good lesson--the good people in life will lose while the bad people rule over everyone and make all the money. it is true. i used to be an idealistic save-the-world-er and i have to hold onto that because it is the least of the evils, but we cant save the world. aid organizations are corrupt and assholes work at them, the government is full of terrible human beings, and fighting back just gets you killed.

sure there is momentary happiness, and plenty of reasons for smiling in the day, but if i look at the big picture, at this entire world, there is no choice but to despair.

so what's the point of life? i am not sure. i guess i will just live out my days like any other animal--find food, shelter, companionship and then die.

sorry for the depressing, but everyone has to figure out this stuff out sooner or later. i will probably feel better in the morning.

mbc reply

A while back, I posted about a church I went to in Virginia when I was Christian and how I was disgusted by their extraordinarily exhorbitantly expensive video game rooms and such. The post can be found HERE.

Well, I just received an email from the Student Ministries there who found the post. I thought I would post his reply. I appreciate his respectful tone, although I maintain my disagreement with the church's expenditures and such. I think it is good for me to put it here because it isn't fair that I can just rant and not let people speak their opinion against mine.

Here is the pastor's email...

I ran across your blog about your experience @ our church. I'd love to speak with you about your experience and what we might learn to avoid others having similar experiences and to offer you a verbal, personal apology. The Bible says "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed." (Proverbs 15:22)If you really would like to have a sincere dialogue, please call me as I would love the opportunity to speak with you, each of us having an open mind, as to what we might learn from one another.

I realize, as an atheist it appears, you clearly disagree with:
a) our beliefs - God, Jesus, The Bible
b) how you experienced (unfriendliness) and interpreted our means of sharing our faithand we are constantly reminded how we do not do justice to the God we serve, as sinful people (1 John 4:11 - "since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.")

But I can assure you that when it comes to our youth center our goal is to do the same as when:

a) I was a kid in youth group and board games were the means of building community amongst participants before and after service

b) our students served in Peru and Mexico for weeks this summer to impoverished children where balloons and puppets met the need for fostering social interaction) when Jesus himself walked the earth 2,000 ago, meeting people's physical and emotional needs in order to ultimately address their spiritual need for Him. (Romans 5:8 - But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us)

So while I can see where you might disagree with what we believe, how we stumble in living it out as sinful people, and how we choose to do run our programs to further our faith and share our beliefs, I hope you can understand and even respect our desires.

Give me a call if you really would like to explain further your experience. Thanks again. I appreciate your honesty and candor.

That was pretty nice. I am going to reply to him thanking him for his respect and candor--although I think he slightly missed my point.
For one:

I was an honest, sincerely believing Christian when I went to his church and at the time I had no real problem with Christian beliefs or the proclaimed beliefs of his church

Also, my problem was necessarily that games were used to attract and distract children--but that seemingly tens of thousands of dollars were spent on video games. Also, he cites board games used at church when he was a kid--I think that is a good idea! Board games usually are cheaper and they involve a lot more interaction between kids--

And also, I think it is nice the kids go on mission trips, but I have to say personally, that I dont think Christian youth should be ministering to people in other countries. I support like eye-opening trips to the third world for kids to learn and absorb and do more relief work, but I disagree with having kids conduct VBS or other christian teaching or outreach. (I have been on over a 1/2 dozen of those things and so I am very familiar with what tends to go on at them)

On the whole, I am grateful for the church pastor's reply. I think it is really nice that he thought I was worth taking the little time to talk to, and his attitude is a lot more open and sincere than I expected.

I think I will change the title of my old post--not the post, but the title was pretty harsh.

see you later!!

m

BIIIIIIIIIIIG EPIIIIIIIIIIIIIC BATTTTTTTLE!!!!!!!

Okay, for those of you who are unaware, I LOVE KATHY GRIFFIN. She is that red-headed comedienne who has a different face every time you see her because she has so much G.D. plastic surgery. Yeah, she is so funny. Anyway, I was reading today about all this outrage surrounding her Emmy Award acceptance speech. Apparently she said, "people usually thank Jesus for this, but Jesus had nothing to do with it, suck it Jesus!" or something like that. I mean, tasteless, but also harmless. But now people are SOOO up in arms about it, making it their mission to take her down and boycott her and stuff. I mean, cool, whatever.
It is sad to me that THIS is the mission of a lot of Christians. It is a mission that can be fulfilled sitting on their asses. They can make phone calls to the news complaining, while sitting on their ass. They can write stories for their website and boycott her program, while sitting on their ass. They can fight this epic battle against the devilish ginger kid (reference to south park) ALL while sitting--you guessed it--on their behinds. What a brave and noble fight. What about fighting real battles--like fighting for the rights of the poor and the tortured, fighting for starving kids to eat and drink safely, fighting to free enslaved human beings? Na, I'd rather sit and make up controversy while eating my Pringles. on my ass.

OH YEAH--and a Christian drama troupe spent over $90,000 on an ad in USA Today against Griffin and for Jesus. see HERE

oh and BTW, I have two friends who kick ass and are Christians and are working in India to help enslaved women and other needs--that is a real battle!

you can read their blogs here :

SARA

RACHEL

some thoughts

I have been thinking about God a bit more lately. I can't say that I have come up with any amazing conclusions--or even observations for that matter. But Here are some questions I am pondering...

1. why does God have to be good?

Just because God is God--creator and all--why does that necessarily presume he is only god? Is it because as humans, we have evolved to desire those things we label "good" and to comfort ourselves in the knowledge of a God--he has to be the embodiment of those things?
Why is it supposed to be so obvious that a God would be good? And why is ONLY the Christian religion allowed to have a purely good God? Why can't Allah be good as well?

I don't know. I am kind of assuming that it reduces to power and human need. Power--because in order for the commodity of Christian faith to be marketable and profitable, it must be desirable. And the only thing more desirable than a pretty good god, is a totally good God. If our God is the only perfect one, then people will want him and all the other religions can suck it or something.

And humans have had need for supernatural gods seemingly since the beginning of human time. Deities have been in existence in the beliefs of humans for like all time--either they exist and are trut, or they are all the result of humans needing to believe and sustain a belief in a God.

2. If God is purely good, how could he have created, or allowed to be created, a world in which their is immense evil?

Aside from the discomfort in the conflict between a good god and evil, I wonder, how exactly could a good God allow evil if he is only Good? Is goodness like a chromosome? I guess since he is God, he can do anything he wants and all--but in that, why do we allow him to self-proclaim as wholly good when he most clearly does not stop all evil? Which presumably he is able to do?

This is a really odd, bad and underdeveloped analogy, but it just came to me

Let's just pretend that I am all about empty pools and that i am 100% committed to all pools being totally devoid of water. I have a staff of a million people, so I realistically can empty all pools and the capacity to get the job done is no problem.

So what if I ONLY emptied pools that had water in them? I never stopped anyone from filling their pools, I just waited until people filled their pools totally, and then I would go and drain the water in the dead of night--not telling them what I had done or why--so they have no idea that filling pools should not be done.

That would be stupid. My job would never be done, and no one would ever TRULY know what they should do or why with their pools?

That is a bad analogy, but I kind of think it is similar to the Christian God.

We have a God who is TOTALLY good. He proclaims all things good and has the capacity to turn everything to good and all that jazz. Well, he (let's assume) makes good things--he helps some people get healed from diseases (let's assume) and he gets people good parking spots at the mall, he comforts people, etc. BUT he doesn't do anything to STOP all evil. He doesnt soften people's hearts (it is assumed he can harden them) so that they choose peace instead of war, he doesnt use supernatural means to halt a hurricane, or blow it into the ocean...he doesnt put a sign in the sky to warn innocents of impending tsunami death, etc. He just lets it all go and cleans up later (kind of).

Wow, that is a great, good God. I dont believe so. I actually have to say I would rather trust my not-so-good, not-so-bad self in this life.

this is my roomates's dog. she is so cute, no?

I haven't written anything here for a while, I guess that is kind of how this de-conversion thing works though--I go in and out of caring about religion at all...but at the core of it, I am still totally enthralled.

I dont have much to say. I have been thinking a lot, but not writing anything down. I think I will start again though.

Oh and one more thing--if you have not listened to the Kronos Quartet yet, YOU MUST. They are like the most amazing musicians in all existence and they have like 30 albums with tons of different sounds. Go look them up, I recommend the album Kronos Caravan for a start.

The media sucks, they even stupidly admit it!

Just a quick complaint about the media. I hate the media.

but yeah, I guess Owen Wilson atempted suicide or it is alleged, or whatever. Anyway, apparently he asked the media to respect his privacy while he heals--but the media is ALL OVER this thing. It was talked about on Larry King last night, there are updates on comcast.net like every 15 minutes, and it was on the Today Show and CNN this morning--what the hell? the media is so dumb. They keep reporting "Wilson wants the media to respect his privacy..." and then they stakeout the hospital and talk about his history of drugs, etc. What really pissed me off, was I saw on comcast.net, they have this section called "your say" or something, and they asked the question, "WHY DO YOU THINK OWEN ATTEMPTED SUICIDE?" HOLY SHIT. There is so much wrong, in my opinion, with the average Joe citizen chiming in on why someone totally disconnected from them attempted suicide--


anyway, i am really annoyed. i hope i am not bringing unwanted attention to Owen's issue as well, but I thought it was necessary to explain this mood i am in.

i want to boycott comcast, but with no competition in cable where i live, i have no choice for the time being--

peace!

real news

I am thoroughly enjoying this news site that Exapologist recommended

http://therealnews.com/web/index.php

God's Warriors

I watched the first episode of God's Warriors last night on CNN. Here is my quick review of it...

So last night I watched the first installment of "God's Warrors," a three-part miniseries on CNN created by Christiane Amanpour. If you haven't heard of it, the series profiles three of the world's major religions (Judaism, Islam, and Christianity). She examines the root of the religion, major contentious issues concerning that religion, and how these issues manifest themselves in the daily lives of more militant/hardcore followers. Each religion is given a 2-hour block on three consecutive nights.

I saw a preview for this series in early Summer and have been looking forward to it ever since. What really sucked me in initially was the cool music they had playing behind the ad! It is this lower pitch, eerie but powerful brief thing, but I really liked it.

Well enough of the music. Last night I watched the special on Judaism. Please keep in mind that I drank like 3 beers as I watched, so the end might be a little foggy.

The special was really well done in my opinion. There was great footage from the Holy Land, they interviewed a lot of people, including Jimmy Carter, this crazy Jewish power couple from New York, and I think Ariel Sharon--wait, is he dead? just kidding--it was a good series, BUT, I would only watch it on TV, I would not buy this. The reason I say that, is that this is not a quintissential documentary on the subject. IN my opinion, this was a good general introduction to the faith and extremism, but it did not dig as deep as I would have liked. In that, I still think it is good to watch. It put faces with the Israel/Palestine conflict, and it didn't seem to paint Jews as necessarily good or bad--which is not easy for many reporters to do. I do think it did a good job of highlighting the issue, introducing us to who is behind it, and discussing major events in the Jew/Palestinian history.


Here are some highlights: I am being vague here because either you know more than me, or you will watch this series and get the details yourself

-There was a basic outline of the issues surrounding the West Bank and Gaza, why the Jews want to be there, and why the Muslims want to be there as well--it did a pretty good job of making it more clear as to why the Jews and Muslims value the same sites

-There was an interview with a devote Jew who led the initial settlement efforts, and another non-religious Jew who lives in Israel but doesn't really give a shit

-A lot of the beginning was about the history of the settlements--how Jews came onto the land saying they were only staying temporarily, and then they stayed perm. --I think this provided a nice groundwork to understanding why the settlements are such a divisive issue.

-Then they profiled this Jewish power couple in New York who raise millions of dollars to reclaim Jerusalem--they seemed kind of crazy

-They also went into the jewish lobby in the US which I found very interesting. They talked about AIPAC (American Israeli Public Affairs Committee) which a lot of my college classmates worshipped (they were mostly from New Jersey) and how the US doesn't really want to be supporting Israel in all the ways it does (US gives roughly $3B to Israel annually?) but it is the Jewish lobbies that get Congress to vote for this stuff

-An interesting part examined partnerships between Jews and Christians to preserve Israel. It was kind of funny because the Christians were like trying to say they support the Jews and Israel--but also that the Jews are probably going to Hell. It wasn't that black-and-white, but it was pretty much what they were saying...

-there was more I am forgetting


But yeah, this was a nice thing to watch and well put together, but if I wanted to dig deeper, I probably would rent like 6 different Frontline documentaries or something rather than just watch this one episode. As sad as it is, I actually think it did miss the connection between religion and extremism at the core. The documentary showed that there are extremists, and why they are extreme--but I think they could have done a better job showing how the issues connected with the Torah, or Judaism more closely. It was definitely there, but in my opinion, I thought they could have spent more time and detail on that--which oddly enough seemed to be the core of the entire program.

In all, I liked it and I recommend it; however, I would have preferred this documentary portion on Judaism to be about 4 hours long with input from Tom Friedman and other people who write a lot about this topic, more from Jimmy Carter, and others. Oh- and I wish Larry David was on it also haha just kidding.

With that said, I am still really looking forward to the next two segments on Islam and Christianity.

PEACE

gone daddy gone

I was reading on another blog by A Thinking Man, about his "coming out" as a non-christian, and his de-conversion. It was interesting to me to read something he said in brief. He was explaining the process of de-converting and all that he encountered during that time, and I found this part very interesting.

"Although a degree of general unease and doubt had been happening over a number of years (Does God really answer prayers? He doesn’t seem to answer mine.)"

It made me think about all of us or others who have de-converted and what we went through while we were still trying to hang onto our belief. I remember trying to maintain a belief in God and a trust in him...I tried praying so much for him to reveal himself, for him to help me make sense of everything, for him to just give me anything, any sign that he was alive.

It is scary to de-convert at first. I totally stayed up at night worrying about Hell and condemnation, worrying about what my parents would say, and if I would be able to hold onto my friends and family. I feared the Devil and questioned why God would seemingly "choose" me only to have my admission into heaven be retracted. I got angry, feeling that God hardened my heart and that I was chosen for eternal suffering. ---Basically all these thoughts went through me and I prayed really hard for a while for some peace and rest in this situation.

Anyway, I just am imagining all those who have de-converted, before they did so. While in the process, trying desperately to hold onto their previous beliefs and the beliefs of their friends or family--holding onto the familiar, and what seemed the most comforting and hopeful. People--adults--praying to God at night for help, only to receive no answer, only to wake up feeling stale. That makes me sad and angry.

A vision that came to my mind in this was one of a child and its dead mother. I have learned about and been exposed to a lot about women dying in war and in famines, etc. Many times, they will have children near them as they die, and the child will remain with the mother even long after she is gone. All that is familiar to them, all that has nourished them is now gone and unresponsive. In some cases, children have been found trying to suck from their dead mother's breast. It is definitely one of the most disturbing scenes that this planet has to witness-- I also think it kind of fits with de-conversion.

Our concept of a father, a provider, nourisher, caretaker, is dying or dead, yet we still try to cling onto him, we make excuses for his silence, telling passersby that he is alive, he is just silent--when all the while he is dead and never existsted.

I dont know, maybe that is too morbid or a stretch, but it is in my brain today.

de-testimony

at the new de-conversion.org forum (which you can go to HERE), there is a place to post your de-testimony. I wrote mine up this morning and I thought I would post it here too...it just is an off-the-cuff deal



"Oh God, you are my God, and I will ever serve you"...NOT.

I grew up singing all the lameass church songs that you know are lame at the time, but you are too afraid of eternal condemnation to even whisper a critical comment about them. I grew up with church leaders who seem like they are bitchy and judgemental and the only place they can criticize others without it being a sin is to pick on kids in youth group. I have been to summer camps, winter camps, mission trips, waterski trips, watermelon seed spitting contests, paintballing, pizza parties, pool bashes, and bible jeopardy extravaganzas galore. When I was in 4th grade, I made sure to memorize as many bible verses as possible so I could get the prize of a giant strawberry lipsmacker or fun-size butterfinger. I wore dresses to church which I hated, I tried to fake sick to get out of church at least once a month. I have done all that a young evangelical can do between the ages of 1 and 21...everything that is, except think for myself.

I was pretty brainwashed until I was 18. My best friend and I secretly hated church and would goof off all we could and make fun of everyone because we thought we were cooler...but essentially I was under the spell. I was terrified of sin and anyone who sinned. I was freaked out by homosexuals or homeless people, I thought that divorced women were bad, that non-christians who rode their bikes on sunday instead of church, deserved an eternal pit of fire. I wasn't a bad person, I was just overexposed to the church and God.

This all started to shift when I started thinking about college. I had always been interested in world affairs and injustice, but I never had the opportunity to develop as a human being in that field. So when it came time for college, I really just let go. I started to read about torture and war, watch documentary movies on sex trafficking and the poor. I basically self-taught myself abot human suffering and despair. I essentially got a more realistic worldview. So then I spent my college time studying war and peace (my college major was International Peace and Conflict Resolution), watching tapes of babies with severed limbs crying and women pleading for their lives in the Rwandan genocide. I sat face to face with a torture survivor from Rwanda who lost 17 family members and watched his wife be raped and macheted right before his eyes. At this point, the discrepencies between a "Good God" and a "Bad World" became more than just fodder for a 3-part sermon series, they became a tragic reality.

It wasn't until really my last semester of college that I began to really question. I attended a mega-church who spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on video games, basketball courts, and fountains and no time on getting to know the congregation. I was shunned by the other kids in college group and the leaders too. I guess being a punk girl from California wearing tight black pants, converse, a washed out torn t-shirt and a homemade Clash hoodie didn't really fit in with the Northern Virginia Christian culture. but anyway, I found myself doubting, and exploring questions I didnt even know existed, while at the same time being pushed out and away from my so called "home church."

And basically from there the questions kept coming. I questioned suffering, free will, the arrogance of God, Biblical inconsistencies--basically what we all post on these forums about. I started a blog about 4 months into this big quest of mine and started discussing these issues with Christians, atheists, theistic agnostics, etc. And I realized over time that all the christian answers were those I already knew. I could answer my own questions but all those answers missed the point. So on and on with all the questioning, I just got further and further away from christianity and more towards agnosicism/atheism. I read books, discussed online, asked my friends, etc--all with an open mind to religion or no-religion. And no-religion was winning.

So in about early March of this year, it came to me. My heart switched off. I could kid myself no longer. I was not a Christian. I didn't make the decision, it just happened. Maybe my heart was "hardened" or maybe I came to the real truth. Whatever it is, I do not know. The only thing I do know is that I feel more free, more developed, more healthy now. I am not afraid of condemnation or Hell. I am not held down by fear and I am no longer trying to make excuses for God's silence.

Who knows what the future will hold. I will likely never be Christian again, but I do like the idea of a God. But as long as there is suffering in this world, I just have to commit my life to stopping that--not wasting my time reading christian self-help books trying to improve my prayer life all the while innocent human beings suffer and die.

So now, I probably sin, I hang out with homeless people and gay people without a second thought, my sister is a divorced woman I adore, and I ride my bike around town on Sunday mornings. Life is great.